i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
