there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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