last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
