He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
