my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
