I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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