she was so not down for the gang bang
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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