my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Life is so much better after having sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
