I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
