He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
