HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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