If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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