y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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