I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
