fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
