your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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