found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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