Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize