I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
