Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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