Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
