and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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