Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
