I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
