I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
