She told me I should be a condom model.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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