just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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