just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
