one two three fourrrrnication!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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