Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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