Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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