My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
