dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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