OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
