I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
