How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
