you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
