um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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