he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
