and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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