Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
