I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
