i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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