u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
