if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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