you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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