dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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