So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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