Christians are straight up FREAKS
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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