i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
