Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
