Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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