I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
