Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
