I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
