Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
