I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
