I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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