Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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