Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
