his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
