Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
