I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
dude. I can hear the air.
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