My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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