I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
