im having a threesome with these popsicles
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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