Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
