and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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